That's how you measure, measure a year. It's quite apt really that I'm sat here watching Rent while I type this. It was one of my ex's favourite shows and today more than ever I'm thinking about the key things that happened between the two of us. It was on March 5th last year that it all ended and everything I knew about life and myself changed.
This isn't a pity party post, this is actually a good one, well I think so anyway. I know where I started and where I am now, yes there is a lot of work still to do but every day I'm getting closer to what I want to be. It's been a hard road for me and it's changed me on a fundamental level. I'm not going to get into details about what brought about the end of our relationship, it's not the right place and the people who are closest to me know what my side of the story is and that's all that's important to me.
But knowing where I'm going doesn't stop me looking back, we had a lot of great times together and I sometimes think of special memories or inside jokes we had with each other or maybe a song comes on and it reminds me of her. I've seen several memes and funny videos that I think she'd like and before would have sent them on to her but for obvious reasons I've not done that. I hope she's doing ok and she's enjoying life, I really do mean that but it's also true what they say about time being a healer. I got asked by someone the other day if for some miracle she asked me to get back together would I do it and I can honestly say no to that now. We coasted along for to long and took each other for granted for far to long. Maybe we saw each other more as roommates rather than husband and wife and it's a shame. Like I said we had some great times together and I'll forever cherish those memories. That being said there is no point in hanging about in the past.
I've been told that I'm happier, more energetic, more confident than I was before which are obviously good things. I'm learning new things, yes the Italian lessons are going well and no the guitar lessons are not going so well. True I've lost some people I thought were friends but I've made some new ones and more importantly reconnected with a lot of others. I've got plans to visit at least three countries this year and do more things that I've always wanted to, so why put this all out there like this?
One reason is to say thank you to everyone who has helped me along the way, the other is give myself a little pat on the back. Tomorrow, March 6th see's the anniversary of when I stood on that train platform and thought about ending it all. Now I haven't felt like that in a while and I'm not going to say there haven't been low points where I've thought about just walking away and moving to Timbuktu where no one knows me but I think it's a sign of how much stronger I am these days. I've learnt to enjoy the high points, acknowledge the low points, learn my lessons and don't repeat them. I'm not going to ever say I'll be completely normal, who would want to be that? I am saying that I know myself more and yes I know life will test me more in the future but I feel a little more confident in dealing with what it throws at me.
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